What exactly is a default parent?

Are you the parent that usually schedules all the kids appointments, help them with their homework, do all the child-related tasks or home-related tasks? If so, you might be the default parent. Assuming in a two parent household, the default parent is the one that carries the bigger load when it comes to parenting.

Stresses of being a default parent?

Being a default parent comes with a high risk of burnout. It is difficult to manage all the children’s daily obligations while trying to maintain your own mental health needs. Being a default parent comes with enormous pressure. When one does not live up to their daily obligations of being a default parent, guilt, burnout and chronic fatigue quickly set in.

Signs of a default parent?

• Irritability
• Chronic fatigue
• Feelings of resentment towards other partner or children
• Diminished ability to care for oneself
• Decline in mental health

How to deal with being a default parent?

1.) Know what the other parent is doing – There is an old saying “It takes a village to raise a child.” This is true because raising a child does take team work. It is important to know what your role is and have open communication much as possible. For example, my husband will have our children brush their teeth while I help them get their school clothes ready at night. We try our best to balance tasks so it is not always on one parent to do everything.

2.) Communication is key – Communicate, communicate, and communicate! Being open and honest on what you want to see change to how you are really feeling is key to a healthy household to raise your children in. Communication is working together to find solutions when it comes to raising your children.

3.) Prioritize your mental health – There is another old saying, “if you don’t take care of yourself, it is going to be difficult to take care of someone else.” This is the truest of all true statements. It is important to understand when you need a break. Your not a machine! I know it may feel like that sometimes, but again your not a machine. Take breaks! When your not feeling well mentally, inform your partner or watch a fun movie. If it is becoming too much? Possibly seek therapy with a licensed professional.

4.) Don’t take on more than you can chew – Know your limitations and boundaries. Yes, it is important to establish healthy boundaries. Yes! you have to understand that it is okay to not say yes to everything. If you have to reschedule tasks at a later time than do it. Try prioritizing important tasks first. If they are all important, prioritize on what needs to be done first and then work your way down from there.

5.) Organization – This one could be obvious. The thing about being a default parent is there is so much to keep up on. If your not organize that is just going to make your life more chaotic than it already is. Invest in a calendar or planner to help you organize appointments and deadlines. Have your spouse be involved so that you are both are aware of what is to come in the household as your raise your children.

Question: Are you a default parent in your household? How has that experience been for you? What tips can you provide that has been helpful for you being a default parent?